All of Me
by Asura Mori
Summary: Now that Kanone is dead, Eyes can only reflect on the past. Songfic, Amy Lee's "My Immortal". Mention of Kanone/Eyes, Ayumu/Eyes. Mild spoilers for the manga.


Summary: Now that Kanone is dead, Eyes can only reflect on their past. Songfic, Amy Lee's "My Immortal".

Warning: Mention of Kanone x Eyes and Ayumu x Eyes. Mild spoiler.

Disclaimer: I do not own Spiral or any of its characters.

All of Me

By: Asura Mori

The fate of the Blade Children, the fact that we were cursed and would never find salvation, was something that I had come to accept.

Your death, though, was the one thing I couldn't accept.

_I'm so tired of being here..._

As I stand in this room, the place where you died, I can't help but feel powerless. Were all of the Blade Children fated to die, unable to fight our destinies? Is that what Kiyotaka was trying to tell me?

That no matter what road I take, I will lose everyone precious to me?

_Suppressed by all of my childish fears..._

I can hear Ayumu calling out to me, asking me if I want to leave, but I don't answer him. I gaze around the room, my chest tight.

Where are you, Kanone? Why can't I find you?

My mind is in complete disarray. Even though I know you are dead, I can't accept it. I keep searching for you, pulling away from Ayumu's embrace. He yells after me as I run from the room, but I continue to run, searching for you.

_And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave..._

I can feel water dripping down my face and look up to the sky to see if it is raining, stopping briefly to do so. But the sky is clear, when such a thing is clearly a sin now that you are gone.

How can the sun be shining when you are no longer here? Why hasn't the world stopped? Why are people still laughing and smiling, as if nothing has happened?

You were my world, my life. But now you're gone... and the world, this horrible world, doesn't seem to care.

_Because your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone..._

Water still flows down my cheeks and I lift my hand up to my face, feeling the wetness. I pull my fingers away, staring at the drop of water lingering there. I was crying. Me, the expressionless one, the one who couldn't cry, was crying.

I laughed at the irony. You, the only person I had ever loved, the only person I would ever love, had forced me to tears.

Falling against a nearby wall, I stared up at the sky, that horribly blue sky, and continued to laugh, though there was nothing funny about the way I felt.

_These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real..._

You were gone, yet I still remained. Alone and sad, forgotten by the one person who had loved me. I stood up then, suddenly angry.

Why couldn't you have taken me with you? Why had you left me here, alone, to suffer and grieve over you?

_There's just too much that time cannot erase..._

I couldn't help it. I started screaming at the heavens, cursing them for taking you away from me, for you leaving me. All the while, the same question continued to run through my head...

Why? Why? WHY?

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears. When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears..._

You, the one person I had cared for and cherished, the one constant in this world, were gone. And yet...

People in the street were staring at me like I was a maniac. Let them stare, let them know my loss and of my insanity. Let them know that I was dead without you, that I refused to live.

Ayumu was among them, staring at me with pity. But what did he know? All of his loved ones, including Kiyotaka, were still alive. What did he know of loss?

I hated him for that expression. I hated him.

_And I've held your hand through all of these years, but you still have all of me..._

Kanone... why did you have to die like that? If you loved me, why didn't you try harder to stay alive? Both times that I tried to keep you alive, you sought out death. Once, by Ayumu's hands. Once, by Hizumi's.

In the end, you got your wish... Though it wasn't yours, now was it? It was Kiyotaka's - no, _God's _- wish that you die. If this was his supposed "happiness of those who belive", then I wanted nothing of it.

_You used to captivate me by your resonating light, but now I'm bound by the life you left behind._

Ayumu is standing beside me now, his hands wrapped tenderly around my shoulders. I don't look at him. If I do, I will lose myself and do the one thing that he wants of me.

Yes, I have always known of little Narumi's infatuation for me, but I cannot give him what he wants. I am a broken and lost man, without you.

He guides me to house while I continue to think only of you. Kanone... in the end, had you gotten what you wanted? Did you find the death you were looking for?

_Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams, your voice it chased away all the sanity in me..._

And in the end... did you even think of me? Did you wonder how I would live without you, how broken and powerless I would feel?

I don't think you did. Your last thoughts, I think, were filled with triumph. Even though you had died, you hadn't died by Ayumu's hands, like Kiyotaka had stated.

You had fought _God _and won.

_These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real; there's just too much that time cannot erase..._

This pain in my heart that I feel... it is because of you, Kanone. I know that I cannot live without you... yet, why am I still alive then?

We have reached Ayumu's house and he pulls me into his apartment, his mouth finding my lips. I do not resist, though I am not thinking of the current situation.

Instead, my thoughts are focused on our life before all of this. Before we had grown apart, back when we had lived together and loved each other.

You had been so tender that first time, your hands moving languidly over my body as you took me to a faraway place. Your voice had been so soft, so loving, as we made love, the stars above us glittering with our passion.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears, when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears..._

I allowed my memories to take hold of me as Ayumu stripped both of us of our clothes, imagining instead that it was you who stood before me now. He wasn't as tender as you, his mouth finding my own once more almost forcefully, but I ignored it, if only for my own needs.

Soon it didn't matter. It wasn't Ayumu who stood before me now, it was you. I arched into your touch, needing to know that you were there, really there. The tears I had been holding back since we'd entered the apartment came flooding down my face.

You were alive, if only for this moment. You were alive and so I could live.

_And I've held your hand through all of these years, but you still have all of me..._

But it wasn't the same. I froze as he entered that private place, that place only you had known. He wasn't you. He could never be you.

I pushed him away and gathered up my clothes hurriedly, ignoring Ayumu as he called after me once again. I threw my pants on and my coat, forgetting my shoes as I ran out of the apartment and into the city.

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone..._

I didn't know where I was going, only that I had to find you again. Somewhere, you were waiting for me, waiting for me to find you. And I would, I would find you.

_And though you're still with me..._

A flash of blinding light assaulted my eyes and I put my hand over them, shielding myself from that brightness. I felt my eyes widen as I saw you standing before me, then the tears were falling once more as I ran to you and embraced you.

I had finally found you...

_I've been alone all along..._

"Eyes Rutherford was killed today in a head-on crash. Witnesses say that Mr. Rutherford ran into the street, unaware of his surroundings. He was hit point-blank and was killed instantly. Many of his fans have gathered to mourn his death in what was-----------"

FIN.

Asura: Yeah, it was a little morbid, but it really reflects my feelings at the time I wrote this. I don't really know why, but I've been really depressed lately...

But that's not the point. I think this turned out all right, and at least Eyes got to go to where Kanone is. So, read and review please.


End file.
